Join the fun in this celebration of all things golf…


by | Feb 20, 2024

The following is an excerpt from my new “yet to be published” book following the chapter covering the Shanks in my first book..Golf Chronicles.

Where is Shanksville?  No one seems to know and it might be located nearby the Corona Country Club.  It is the valley of Hades for golfers.  It is the resident home of the golf shot that is so awful, that the word itself is almost never uttered on the golf course.  There are a lot of four letter words spoken on the golf course, but the word “shank” will stop play completely and stun the entire group of players.  The shank cannot continue or it will impact every player’s performance in a very negative way.  There is no rhyme or reason for the shank and why it appears and disappears like a Las Vegas wannabee magician.  The shank cannot be produced at will, the shank has a complete mind of its own and strikes all levels of golfing skill without warning.  Shanksville is the way station for golfers that have been stricken with the shanks  for some unknown reason by the gods of golf or perhaps even the Almighty.  There are no defining characteristics or requirements to become a prisoner in the land of Shanksville.  Admission to Shanksville is a requirement as soon as the player has demonstrated the dreaded shank.  The player can range from professional to 36 handicapper as the shank plays no favorites.  The Grim Reaper of golf (G.R. Shank) stands guard at the gate of Shanksville–he is the St. Peter of Shanksville.  Unlike Peter, there are no judgments or opinions about admission-you have shanked and require immediate admittance and counseling.  Shanksville is a deep dark place of continuous moaning and groaning with players condemned to a driving range that requires that the players hit golf balls continuously until they have purged the shanks out of their mind and apply to be readmitted to their respective golf club for rehabilitation.  The Shanksville inhabitant hopes that an overnight stay is not required as the conditions and decor at the Shanksville Marriott Hotel are rather appalling as all the rooms painted black with no shades or curtains and the continuous drone of “Don’t Let it Get You Down” plays during the entire stay.  The guest list at the Shanksville Marriott is dotted with players from all walks of life and it is rumored that Bryson Dechambeau spent several nights there before he was able to redesign his irons and eliminate the dreaded malady.  Tiger Woods made a guest appearance just this past week, after he………..a five iron into the trees on Riviera’s 18th hole.    Tiger would later withdraw from the tournament and one wonders of the impact of the dreaded………..

Shivas Irons, President and CEO of the Corona Country Club, has been spending a lot of time thinking about the scourge of the shank on the game of golf.  He has enlisted the services of Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Dr. Anthony Fauci to conduct research and development into how and why the shank strikes a player in a completely random way.  Musk is building a robot (Iron Shankman) to try and replicate the potential permutations and combinations of the golf swing to produce the shank and Pfizer is developing a vaccine that might be immediately administered to cure the shank.  Fauci is doubtful that a vaccine can be developed as the disease has no symptoms, but Musk believes that with AI techniques, he can be successful at developing the TESLA shank vaccine.  The innate problem of dealing with the shank is the root cause is essentially unknown as many variables are involved in the process.  Research into the topic is unclear as to whether the shank is caused by equipment or is caused by the player or both.  The Iron Shankman was put through a grueling set of tests with all types of equipment from Titleist, Calloway, PGX, and all of this equipment produced almost the same horribly shanked shots during the testing.  Any equipment that could be proven to be “shank-proof” would soon be the best selling brand of any equipment.  It has been represented by Donald Trump that his golf swing is “shank proof” and that he has never encountered the shank in any shot that he has ever taken in his entire golf career.  There is hard evidence from the caddies at his Bedminster Golf Club in New Jersey that this is not the case.  One caddy who insisted on speaking anonymously witnessed a Trump shank followed by a tantrum where the offending club ended up in the lake by the 5th hole.  Trump, without producing any evidence, has stated that his proprietary Trump golf ball cannot be shanked, can never be lost and  will always come to the surface of any water hazard and create a very playable lie.  The Trump balls sell for $10,000 per dozen and can only be found on the Dark Web next to the ransomware gallery.  Therefore the shank can only be made by the integration of player and equipment with the player controlling the outcome.

To this day, there is no known cure for preventing the shanks, so Shanksvile continuous to flourish with a number of tormented inhabitants arriving daily.  Shivas Irons sighs, “Ay, tis a curse of ye game.”


1 Comment

  1. Chip Glassanos

    This is so true……….


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