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Corona Country Club-Part IV

by | Apr 12, 2020

Practice putting green at the Bronsons

Its Master’s Weekend and instead of playing and watching after playing, we continue to be house bound watching tournaments of prior years.  What’s not great about this is having to listen to Jim Nantz pontificate from his Pebble Beach home.  Of course, we could always put the TV on mute.  Nantz isn’t bad but he can be syrupy.  Nantz can also be pedantic but he’s better than Joe Buck who has to be muted at all times on golf telecasts.(some would say all broadcasts).    The closest thing to reality this weekend  is the rebroadcast of Tiger Woods’ victory in the 2019 event with Tiger providing commentary on the event as it replays.  The inability to go and play golf is beginning to take its toll on all of us.  The professionals have no idea what their schedule might be as the 2020 Masters is currently being scheduled for November.  Very little if any golf is played at Augusta in November so it will be interesting to see how the course is set up and what the weather conditions might be.  All the other majors scheduled in the coming months have been cancelled or postponed.  The impacts on the communities that hold these events will be economically disruptive especially charities who benefit substantially from PGA Tour events.  For the rest of us, it’s frustrating not being able to play and I can imagine homes with golf simulators are humming with sounds of thwacks from the family room or the garage.  Personally, I bought 24 plastic golf balls and with an 8 foot putting pad–the pad also doubles as artificial turf for sand wedges over the pool and seven foot putts.  At the end of all of this, I’m determined to be a better putter.

Meanwhile back at the Corona Country Club, the World Match Play Championship is about to resume.  The US/North Korea is 1 UP over China/Russia due to Chairman’s Kim albatross on the first hole.  Shivas Irons is beginning to “lose it” due to the extraordinary behavior of the participants on the  evening following the first hole.  All participants retired to their sheds where dinner was served by the Amazon drones as all the food had to be delivered.  Trump complained that his cheeseburger was too rare and that the french fries were soggy.  He is also whined about the furnishings in the  shed and ordered that a solid gold chandelier be delivered by day’s end.  Kim wanted to know where the firearms were so that he could hunt for his dinner.  Shivas moaned “ay Kim..why not enjy the kim-chee?  Chairman Xi was annoyed that he had lost the hole to the god-like properties of Kim’s 1 iron.  “If he does that again, I’ll cut him off from everything including the Mercedes Benz.”  Putin was nonplussed, took his shirt off and retired to his shed with a plate of caviar and a bottle of vodka.  Shivas didn’t know how we was going to survive with this motley crew..”Achh…do we hav enuf Scotch til end of al thi?

The sun is up at Corona and the participants head for the second hole to continue the match.  The second hole is a 241 yard, par 3, which is essentially a longer version of Augusta National’s, par 3 Golden Bell.  The green is roughly the same size as Augusta, which will make it very difficult to hold any tee shots.  US/NK has the honor and Trump steps up to the tee box with a 7 iron and a brand new Titleist Pro VIx.  Shivas sees the ball and stops Trump..”.Ay,  none of the modern stuf, here’s yr gutta percha.”  Trump scowls at him, takes the gutta percha and strikes the 7 iron.  The ball lands in the middle of the pond.  Since the participants are walking alone due to the social distancing rules at Corona, Trump nonchalantly walks up to the green and states, “Wow, the ball must have bounced off the water and onto the green”-of course, he states this after he produced another gutta percha from his pocket and dropped it  on the green.  The Amazon drone (Elixir) has completely recorded the event but the participants are on the “honor system” or something called the “Rules of Golf” so Trump 3 putts and declares 4.  Shivas is trembling with anger…”Ay, this guy wil neveer see the Kingdom.”  Chairman Kim is next on the tee and he has the trusty 1 iron in his hand.  He hooks the shot about 210 yards into the deepest part of the woods–it will take a tractor to retrieve that one.  Kim is annoyed and snaps the 1 iron in half in disgust (could be the downfall for the team).  He insists on finding the ball and the search goes on for nearly an hour. (the ball cannot be found not even by Elixir).   Xi and Putin decided to head back to their sheds for a short nap.  After 75 minutes, Kim holes out for a 9.  Refreshed after his unexpected nap, Chairman Xi steps up to the tee with his Japanese knockoff driver that was recently purchased on the dark web and shipped directly to Corona.  Xi hits a wonderful high draw that lands on the green about 40 feet from the pin.  Xi two putts for a par 3.  Shivas is wondering whether the driver is legal but shrugs it off in the interest of time.  Putin has a big smile on his face.  He had an 11 on the first hole and he had no idea of what do here.  He pulls a pitching wedge and hits a nice shot about 100 yards.  He has 141 yards to the hole and he chooses an 8 iron.  The shot lands unceremoniously in the cruel 13 foot deep bunker in the front of the green.  After six blasts with the sand iron, Putin tosses the ball out of the bunker to within a foot and putts out for a 10.  Shivas smirks…ther r no hand shots in glf….

Results for Hole 2

US/North Korea  4–Trump bogey

China/Russia  3–Xi-par

China/Russia win the hole and the match is All Square.

Today’s play only took 3 hours and 45 minutes.  Shivas is bewildered, he would have played an entire round in this time.  We’ll all be back tomorrow for the 3rd hole–a par 4 of 575 yards.  The weather is ominous for tomorrow with a potential tornado in the area.  The tournament will march on irrespective of any weather conditions.

 

 

 

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